


i wanna sleep next to you, so talk me down

by ndhzt



Category: EXO (Band), Lu Han (Musician), Z.Tao (Musician)
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, M/M, tiny sads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 11:32:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16062230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndhzt/pseuds/ndhzt
Summary: Zitao was cold, Luhan was warm, it was as simple as that- although he knew it wasn’t.





	i wanna sleep next to you, so talk me down

                Zitao's routine of lying on his bed facing the ceiling with no hope of falling asleep peacefully had become a nightly occurrence after Luhan had changed rooms with Sehun. The room felt so much colder after he left and it all seemed less welcoming to him, not to mention that his bed was too creaky, his blankets weren't heavy enough, and even the curtains that seemed to always shift around even without a breeze were no longer a comfort; it was more of an annoyance if anything. Everything was too loud and bright to him lately, Zitao just felt so out of place. He stayed up days in a row just tossing and turning, covering his head with his pillow and uncovering it over and over again as he let out periodic huffs and noises of complaint. As for that night, he grew so restless that Sehun had woken up just to throw the closest thing to him; luckily the lamp was connected to the wall so it wasn't that, but the slipper had left a bit of a sting on his cheek where it hit.  
               Zitao wanted badly to sleep, but even with how exhausted he felt his eyes just kept opening. So, with a heavy sigh, he kicked his blanket off of himself and lifted himself up from the mattress, shivering at the cold air that hit his bare torso as he trudged over to the bedroom door.  
                Sehun had mumbled something once he reached the door, Zitao barely catching any of it and having to ask him to repeat himself.  
                “Luhan is still awake. He's usually looking over lyrics.” Sehun raised his voice just enough to be heard through his blanket cocooned state. Zitao wanted to say that he wasn't wondering about Luhan, but his voice lost its strength before he could even form the first syllable, so instead, he grunted out in response before leaving and closing the door behind him as quietly as he could.  
                Heavy steps were the only thing you could hear in the dorm as Zitao went down the hall, blindly searching for Sehun’s old room as his eyes adjusted- which wasn't particularly hard, seeing as he was in there frequently and the doorway was illuminated with a yellow toned light. Before he could think it all through, Zitao entered the room, feeling the air turn so much warmer than what the hallway was and shivering once again at the temperature changing, his frustratingly exhausted state lightening up enough so he wasn’t stuck with a constant scowl on his face.  
                Luhan was on his bed, lyric sheet in hand as he was dozing off, his eyes shut and his head tilting forward at an uncomfortable angle. Zitao glanced over to Minseok’s bed, seeing him unsurprisingly sound asleep despite the light and Luhan’s activities. They all had pretty much overworked themselves during practice that day, so he was glad to see at least one of them was able to sleep before their busy schedule the next day. Sighing, he made his way to Luhan’s bedside, his footsteps making no sound on the carpet, and stared blankly at his gege until he finally climbed onto the bed, noticing how he didn't even startle Luhan or rouse him at all from his half asleep state. Quietly, Zitao settled down on his side and curled up by him, shifting his head to rest in Luhan’s lap and yawning, his eyes beginning to close on their own accord for the first time in days. He paid no mind to how his chest seemed to be so much lighter than before, too sleepy to think about or analyze anything like that.  
               He was about to slip into unconsciousness until he felt a warm hand rest on his head, fingers going through his bed head and scratching right at the nape of his neck. Despite being tired and out of it, Zitao still managed to softly hum at Luhan, the sound turning into a protest as he felt the other move around and lean away, probably to put the papers down. Once he returned to his previous position Zitao stopped complaining, letting out a sharp exhale through his nose before he started to grow drowsy again.  
                “Hello, Taozi…” Luhan cooed, Zitao feeling fuzzy from his nickname. No one except him seemed to say it exactly right.  
               Zitao bumped his head against his hand, his limbs clumsily drawing in as he tried to be as small and close as possible without actually being on his lap, Luhan patiently waiting for him to get where he needed to be. Once he was comfortable again, Zitao gave Luhan’s thigh a squeeze, content with the situation.  
               “Anything in particular that caused you to visit?” Luhan spoke, his voice low and soft, a contrast to his usual teasing tone he took up with others. Zitao shrugged halfheartedly in response. He was cold, Luhan was warm, it was as simple as that- although he knew it wasn't. He wanted to voice his thoughts, to tell his trusted gege about this confusing and overwhelming storm brewing in his mind, but his mouth refused to move, something that seemed to be happening more and more as time went on. He made an indignant sound, his teeth starting to clench together. Such an easy question to answer and yet there he was, stressing over it.  
               Luhan slid his hand down to Zitao’s jaw, massaging it with small circular motions to help relax him, but the touch made Zitao’s stomach drop and his head feel too hot. He moved away rather suddenly and shifted around on the bed until he ended up flat on his back, his eyes cracking open just so he could find a pillow to put over his face.  
               A soft sound came from Luhan, the bed moving until there was heat next to Zitao. He immediately tensed from the sensation, his brows furrowing under the pillow as he tried to calm himself down, forcing his tongue in between his teeth so he wouldn’t clench them so hard.  
               “Are you going to be sleeping with me?” Luhan asked gently, Zitao nodding silently in response. Luhan drew closer, his breath fanning over Zitao and his arm weighing down on his torso.  
               “Too much.” Zitao blurted, his voice strained and wavering. Luhan’s touch immediately left him.  
               “Ah,” Luhan said quietly, although Zitao could hear he wasn’t put off. “It’s alright. I understand.”  
               _I understand._  
               Zitao wanted to understand with him. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling whenever Luhan was near. He needed him close, he wanted his attention, and although he loved their hugs and the odd chance they’d be able to hold hands to the point that he’d actively seek him out for some sort of contact, that was when they were with others. When they were alone, or no one was watching, it was just…too much.  
               “Tao?”  
               Luhan’s concerned voice drew him from his thoughts, Zitao slowly coming back down from his spiral to realize the pillow was wet and his shoulders were shaking, and once he was mostly grounded he ended up choking out a sob, the stress and exhaustion finally catching up with him. Gentle hands drew away the arm he had propped on the pillow, the pillow leaving him and being placed nearby instead. His vision was too blurry for him to see Luhan’s face, something he was thankful for- if he had seen his worry he would’ve broken down even more.    
               A low hum escaped Luhan as he brushed away Zitao’s bangs. “What’s got you so worked up, dìdi?” He asked. “You can tell me, you know that right? I’ll always be ready to listen.”  
               Zitao turned to him, wiping his fingers against his cheeks to wipe off his tears. “Can’t, I…not yet, please.”  
               Luhan watched him for a moment, pursing his lips together before giving him a reassuring smile. “That’s okay. When you’re ready.”  
                Zitao sniffled, closing his eyes and turning on his side to curl up again, moving an inch closer to Luhan before he reached down, his hand blindly patting around for his gege’s hand until he was able to curl his fingers around it and bring it to his chest. Luhan gave him a subtle squeeze.  
                “Blankets?”  
                Zitao shook his head at Luhan’s offer, not wanting any sort of weight on him at that moment. “Just you.”  
                Luhan smiled. “Alright, just me.”  
                Zitao’s heart skipped at that, and he let out a shaky sigh, loosening his grip on Luhan’s hand until he was only holding onto his ring finger, willing himself to relax. A few tears still managed to escape down onto the sheets, but he was able to breathe again after a short moment, his body loosening up from it's tensed up state as he started to drift off. The last thing he heard was Luhan’s voice before he was gently taken to whatever dream his mind decided to conjure up, his mind finally beginning to feel less heavy.  
                “You’ll figure this out, Zitao, what’s bothering you. In the meantime, I’ll be right here.”

**Author's Note:**

> hello, uhhh this is my second fic on the same song TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan ksdnfknsd this was actually the first and original one i wrote !! n then taochen appeared n i happened to finish that a lot quicker than i did this :U so i hope you dont mind two different fics based on one song sdkfnsdkn  
> anyway, thank you for reading !! i hope you all have a beautiful day <3


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